first trip into Haiti

Hello friends and family!

Well, in the last two weeks we have learned a lot, Onzy and I.

Our first trip to Haiti was from February 2nd to the 5th.  We saw a lot there, from people living in luxury to slums.  It never ceases to amaze me that wherever there is great wealth, right beside it exists great poverty.

For the last week or so we have been back in Dajabon.

**As you may know, Candy and I do not live in Haiti.  We live on a border town in Haiti's only neighbouring country, the Dominican Republic.  You can click the link below to see where Dajabon is located on a map:

Dajabon, DR

It is a really nice little town.  Very Dominican, very loud, and not much going on.  

Life.  There is so much going on in my heart and my mind… how can I fill you all in on it?

Let me tell you where I am at right now:

Today was miraculous.  Earlier today I had a true heart to heart with God - and myself.  I am struggling to give everything to him; to have faith in him.  I let out all of the emotion that has been in my heart these last (almost) 3 weeks of being here.  I confessed my feelings of pointlessness, inadequacy, and about my loneliness.  Nothing was held back, I let it all out.  Crying, I reaffirmed my commitment to him and I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be - and God reaffirmed ME today by reminding me that I may be here for different reasons than I thought…

I know I haven't been here very long, but there have been no kid's programs yet.  In all honesty, now that I am here, I do not feel that is what God is wanting me to do.  As I am learning about the field here, I feel like God is calling me to a different mission field: teenagers and young adults.  I am so grateful to God that he has put opportunities during my time in Haiti and the Dominican to spend with people my age.  They are very different from Canadians but I really feel like I have something to offer to them.  Please pray for me on this one.  Feelings of failure are trying to creep up into my Spirit, but I know these are not from God.  He will prompt me in what I need to do by love, not by feelings of worthlessness - yahoo for good doctrinal teaching, thanks church!! 

I should let you know that while I was in Haiti, for that first visit, I knew that God was using me.  I felt  purpose!  I could communicate, and I was learning about their life and problems.  Haiti is good for me.  

My feelings of loneliness creep up when I am in the Dominican Republic.  It is here that I have found myself confined to Candy's home with nothing to do but study, read, pray, and meditate - for several days at a time.  Granted, those activities listed above are all wonderful things, but when I thought I was coming here to live in community with Haitians… it's been quite the boat rocker.

Oh, but I have been learning so much here - almost everything through hard lessons (or at least it seems).

Contentedness.  Contentment is something that I used to equate with happiness, but after having experienced some serious homesickness I truly believe that contentment has nothing to do with one's happiness.  Contentment is a choice.  An attitude.  It is one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn in my life, and I know that I am not done learning… While I am here in the DR, not doing much, I can be content even though I am not in "paradise".  I can be content even though I am not being "radical for the Lord, living on nothing with the Haitians and beating the consumerist out of me!!".   I still think all of that is taking place, I just don't think it is happening in the adventure-full way I was imagining.  The book of Philippians has been a huge encouragement to me.  I ask myself, how can Paul be so joyful while being in prison?!  Contentment, and that is because he has the hope of Jesus Christ.  Paul knows he is living in God's will.  I know that I am living in God's will and yet I have the nerve to complain because I am not happy?!  Just because there are unexpected challenges that have appeared does not mean I should lose faith in God.  So I am learning contentedness, which I believe is truly rooted in hope, the hope of Christ, and faith that God is active and alive through us.  Faith.

Faith that I am not alone.  That I am not worthless.  That God is living through me right as I am typing this to you.  My life means something here, just as much as it does in Canada.  And these are not only realities for me, but they are realities for you, too!  They are, in fact, promises from the Creator of this universe, himself.  "For God so loved the world…" It all began in LOVE.  Because he LOVES!!

So in my loneliness I am learning that I am not alone.  I knew this before, theoretically, and now I am having to put it into practice.  It's much more difficult done than said - because I want to physically see that I have purpose among those that surround me!  I want to be validated as a human being by a community that needs me - something I experience daily in Canada.  Here, I am learning to have faith in God that I am necessary.  That I matter.  There is no community to validate me, only Him.  Only him to give me worth.  Besides, it is very selfish to love a community for what they give you or make you feel.  God is teaching me here to rely fully on him and to only be concerned with how I am serving him. Tough, tough, tough lessons for me to learn far away from my mummy's arms.  But, beautifully, through this God is also showing me that I have a genuine love for my community at home.  I have so much to be thankful for!

I will wrap this update up by letting you know why today was such a good day.  I made friends here in the DR!  Friends!  Teenagers, my age, who have vision for their city and speak beautiful english!  They are helping me with my spanish, and are excited to see me tomorrow!  PRAISE GOD!!  I told him this morning that I would give up on trying to do something, and that I would have faith in him to show me what to do - to do whatever I could that was in my face in that moment.  He is so good to respond so quickly to my prayer.  PRAISE GOD!!!  Also, I met some wonderful missionaries who live close to Dajabon.  Candy has not met them yet, so we are going to go visit.  Hopefully some good will come out of this!  PRAISE GOD!!!  Relationships!!  All blessings from him!  

So that made my day.

Such a long post, so much more to share - I haven't even cracked into Haiti, but I know that you need to be kept up to date with my heart just as much as with my activities.

I truly love you.  I miss you dearly.  I am so excited for when we will see each other face to face again and share with you first hand the love that has been shared with me.

Take care, my family, and friends.  I will write to you soon!

In Love,

Haleigh